Do you have children or teenagers who are anxious about returning to school?

For those in Years 11 and 13, this is likely to be a particularly anxious time as they are one step closer to sitting public exams.

For those who have always struggled with the social aspect of school, the start of term can be a nerve-wracking time for them. So, what do you do if your child is anxious about returning to school?

• Remember that fear and anxiety are part of our Fight or Flight response, which is controlled by the brain’s panic button, the amygdala. When our panic button is pushed, we no longer have access to the rational, higher-level thinking of our prefrontal cortex because the emotional, limbic brain has taken over the driving seat. This is not the time for problem solving, instead…
• Use your empathy skills to validate their feelings. Something like, “You seem angry, but I wonder if you are actually feeling anxious about X.” When we feel heard and understood it helps us feel calmer.
• Only once they are calm can you move to the next step.
• Use your investigative skills to find out what they are concerned about.
• Sometimes when we are feeling anxious and overwhelmed, we focus on a seemingly small detail and it becomes huge. If your child is worried about small things, help them to think up solutions so that they feel confident that they will know what to do should they find themselves in the position they are worrying about – wherever possible ask them what they think they should do rather than telling them what to do.
• Sometimes, when we feel overwhelmed, we can find it difficult to do anything at all. Help them to break a big task down into manageable chunks.
• If they are worried about reintegrating, could they meet up with one friend on a regular basis between now and the start of term so that they have re-established one friendship before they start? If this is not possible could they reconnect with a couple of classmates remotely?
• It is also important for young people to understand that it is normal for humans to feel anxious in times of change. We don’t want to create a problem out of a natural human response, instead we want to help them explore options for managing anxious feelings which will build their confidence and resilience.  For example, there is a great app called CLEAR FEAR which teaches users how to ride the waves of anxiety and overcome their fears. If they want to connect with other young people who might be experiencing similar fears, then the Kooth and Tellmi apps might be helpful.  On the Kooth app they can also talk to a qualified counsellor for free.
• If they are focusing on the negatives of school, encourage them to think of the positives, because what we focus on is what we get more of.
• It is a bit of a chicken and egg situation, but poor sleep heightens anxiety and anxiety heightens poor sleep. If your child is anxious help them explore guided meditations, audiobooks or music which might distract their busy brains enough to allow them to get to sleep.
• Talking of sleep, there is a fair chance that many young people will have drifted into some pretty unhelpful sleep patterns during the holidays. If your child is now semi nocturnal, it would be a good idea to encourage them to get slowly back into their term time routines, otherwise the morning of the first day back is going to be a shocker, and the lack of sleep really won’t help with any aspect of getting back into school life.
• Finally, help your child find and practice some strategies which will calm them should they get hijacked by stressful thoughts. One of the simplest is this:

1. Spend 30 seconds seeing how many rectangles you can count in the space around you (there are always lots of rectangles).
2. Choose one rectangle and start to breathe around it – breathe in on the short side and out on the long side.
3. Keep breathing around your chosen rectangle until you have completed 5-10 circuits.
4. Next, as you breathe in choose what you want to feel e.g. “I am breathing in calm” and breathe out what you don’t want to feel e.g. “I am breathing out stress”.
5. Finally, if possible, get up and move and change what you are doing – your thoughts, feelings and behaviour are all connected – changing any one will change the others.

The Wellbeing Hub from Teen Tips is created by experts and updated with new content weekly, responding to the latest mental health and wellbeing issues affecting young people and their families today. Come on board today and enjoy one week’s free trial then £7.99 per month or if you’re a school and you would like to find out more about The Wellbeing Hub, get in touch HERE.